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$MAD MadDegen - What, Me HODL?
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$69.42!
MadDegen
"WHAT, ME HODL?"
💎🙌🚀
ALFRED E. DEGEN INSIDE!
DEGEN GETS REKT!
[HAPPY DEGEN PIC]
"I'm gonna be RICH! Time to APE in!"
[SHOCKED DEGEN PIC]
"Wait... my portfolio is DOWN 90%?!"
CRASH!
[CRYING DEGEN PIC]
"Maybe I should've bought BLUE CHIPS..."
KAPOW! Another DEGEN learns the hard way!
[BEFORE PIC]
"I'M A GENIUS!"
[AFTER PIC]
"HODL ME..."
THE HODLER'S PRAYER
[PRAYING DEGEN WITH DIAMOND HANDS IMAGE]
"Our Tendies, who art in Heaven,
HODL be thy gains.
Thy moon-shot come,
Thy DIAMOND HANDS be done,
On Earth as it is on Mars..."
[WISE DEGEN PIC]
"Remember son, it's not a loss until you sell!"
[YOUNG DEGEN PIC]
"But Dad, we've been HODLING for 3 years..."
CRYPTO CASINO
[CASINO/TRADING CHAOS SCENE]
[DEALER PIC]
"Place your bets! RED or GREEN?"
[GAMBLING DEGEN PIC]
"100x leverage on DOGWIFHAT!"
[REKT DEGEN PIC]
"I got LIQUIDATED!"
ZAP! The house ALWAYS wins!
ALFRED E. DEGEN
[ALFRED E NEUMAN AS CRYPTO TRADER]
"What, Me Diversify?"
DEGEN STRATEGIES:
1. Buy high, sell low 📉
2. HODL through every dip 💎
3. What's an exit strategy? 🤷‍♂️
4. YOLO everything! 🚀
[ALFRED HAPPY]
"I APED INTO EVERYTHING!"
[ALFRED CONFUSED]
"What, me LEARN?"

THE END?

[ALFRED E DEGEN WAVING GOODBYE]

Thanks for reading, you beautiful DEGENERATES!

💎🙌🚀🌙
Remember: This magazine is 100% satirical!
Any resemblance to your actual trading strategy is purely coincidental!
WHAT, ME GIVE FINANCIAL ADVICE?